Anna Lee

Posted by Nagashiko on Jun 27, 2009 in Decisions, Depression, Emo, Flashback, Hatred, Rants |

It’s been a long time since I wrote something about my personal life. My life is pathetic, and what can be more pathetic than writing about how pathetic my life is?

I’m not happy with what’s happening in my life. I’m not doing well in school, I resigned from my job because of the pressures of school, my family thinks I’m not worth sending to school ‘coz I’d fail my subjects anyway, and I have lost my boyfriend because he got tired of me whining about how hard my life is.

Do you know the feeling when you just want to aim a gun on your head then pull the trigger so your problems would end just like that? That’s what I’m feeling now. I can’t stop thinking about ending my life. But still, here I am, still breathing. It’s not because I’m afraid to die, or I would go to hell if I kill myself. I just don’t want to leave the planet without anyone missing me. I don’t wanna die knowing nobody cares.

I can’t explain how bad I feel right now. I feel so depressed. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t know where I belong.

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Bitterness can’t solve anything. I know I made a lot of mistakes that’s why all of these things are happening to me. I don’t like what I’ve become; a violent, psychopathic bitch. We were not supposed to break up. My pride just got the best of me. It’s like a voice in my head that’s always telling me “This is not your fault.” And I broke up with him through text because I was mad. I say whatever I want to say just because I feel like saying it.

I don’t know why I’ve been acting this way. Maybe I just don’t have any displacement for my anger.

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I’ve been spending too much time on the internet lately, Google-ing the answers to my questions, downloading music, and facebook-ing.

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This post is just another god damn cry for attention, and you have no f*cking idea what I’m taking about.

I am going to start over again and move on with my life. I’m a big girl. I should know what’s right from wrong.

Anna Lee by Dream Theater is playing in my head over and over again. I’d just make the title of this post Anna Lee.

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And for the record, I still love you…